ooooooooo-klahoma where the wind comes sweeping down the plain...

or, more accurately, where the heat comes creeping without rain.

if i were being honest, i'd admit that i don't want to go back to connecticut. i know, i'm a terrible person. but my friends are here, my mom is here, all of the things i want to do are here... everything except for Cy.

i know that i'm being unreasonably selfish. i just don't wanna go.

bringing me downnnnnn

being back in okla. for the month has given me a lot to think about.

it made me realize that i've spent the past four years being a complete and total dumbass. i wasted a lot of time being jealous of my friends' friends and for what? i could have gotten over it so much more simply if i had just, well, gotten the fuck over it. and now that i'm stuck in the same position i'm forced to look around and think not-quite-rhetorically, why are we wasting our time worrying instead of trying to be decent friends?

i'm not going to apologize to people who want to bring me down. i'll give them some hard-earned knowledge as advice instead: get over yourself.

i know that's what it took for me to get past my concerns. i put myself in a world of hurt because i was too obstinate to admit that the main problem was my own attitude.

i realize that friends will come and go in life, and that i need to put my money on the ones who care about me the most and about whom i care about most. that also means that i'll have to come to terms with the idea that not all of my friendships will last forever, and that's a hard pill to swallow.